Ram Ranch Empire
Hierarchy The Emperor oversees everything. High Cowboy Kings oversee the entire nation and take orders directly from the Emperor. Cowboy Kings oversee certain parts of the nation as they essentially act as governors. Militia personnel are usually held in high regard for their willingness to fight and die for the empire. High Cowboy Lords act as the upper-class of the empire. Cowboy Lords act as the middle-class. Cowboys make up the civilian population. Leaders Grant McDonald- High Lord (Immortal) Ronald McDonald- Jesture The Trot Spider's Sentient Cock- High priest Culture Fuck all of you. I'm so pissed that you destroyed the original Ram Ranch Wiki that I worked hard for days to create and streamline. I listened to so many songs and made extensive lore pages and you people destroyed the whole thing. I have one message to you, go fuck yourself you shitbag cunts. Fuck all of you. You fucking suck, I hate every single one of you. I hope you all fucking burn in hell for this shit. 'Clothing ' The traditional garment of the cowboy, the cowboy hat, is the only article of clothing that the most devout cowboys wear. The lesser cowboys, who have not yet shed the shame of having their private parts exposed to the world, wear undergarments made of woven pubic hair. As for footwear, the cowboy boot is the item of choice. The status of the cowboy is reflected through the boots in the form of the size of the spur with larger spurs representing higher status. Contrary to what might be expeced, the spur is not used to usher animals but is intead an instrament of intense sexual pleasure. The cowboys use the pointy end of the spur from one boot and insert it into their urithra. Simultainlusly, the other boot's spur is inserted into the cowboy's anus. The combination of this dual pentration causes the cowboys to have orgasims of cosmic proportions. However, it is worth noting that if the spur ritual goes wrong the cowboy could lose his penis and lose all control of his anus; leading to large messes (much to the delight of cowboys with scat fetishes). Location The history of Ram Ranch Empire's location is one of great mystery. Many people believe the land to be given to the faggots by Lord Shatworth III of San Francisco, but in fact it was conquered back in the 6th Century. Ultimately, the land was achieved in the infamous Crotch War of 1569. An army le d by Grant McDonald himself, versus the intolerant Lesbian Warriors, an immortal clan that cannot be stopped because of their lack for femininity. One could say they influenced the KKK; but without their threatening sexiness, the world would have seen no lynch be set into place. That itself would have been more tragic than the death of the messiah. Not only a blood bath, but a cum bath. Battles would be held daily in the prehistoric sauna named none other than "Pussy Parallel". Their battles (or "contests") consisted of many sexual games. Since faggots only liked faggots, and dykes only liked dykes, they would test their strength through heterosexual intercourse. The first to cum would be seen as a disgrace to their empire. If a faggot came in dyke pussy, he would be eliminated through a forced suicide, in which he must slice off his penis and split it down the middle. Once this is finished, he will stick on side up his ass as he chokes with the other side shoved into his mouth. The sexual competitions became a pastime of the wars until the Lesbian warriors offered a bargain. The lesbians had a decreasing rate of population due to the newfound disease the games gave them. This disease, prostate cancer, was due to the massive erect penises penetrating their vaginas, imploding them with cancer. This crisis caused them to lose almost 40% of their people. They decided to make a proposition. The Dyke Deal was the failed act in which Lesbian warriors would receive either 7,000 gallons of the faggot's "magic cum," to impregnate the women to give a "baby boom" for the next generation or for the gay doctors to give every sick woman a colonoscopy and cure the cancer. The faggots were not fond of this deal, and didn't want to participate for 2 reason: they were selfish of their magic cum and thought it to be a disgrace to their people if given to lesbians, and they were in fear of female assholes since the start of the sexual games. Instead, they decided to eliminate the problem by using a transgender woman to commit arson to the lesbian village, burning all of their bodies. Once this act was finished, they buried the bodies in the land outside of the country. Ironically, this caused a reek in the land, to which the new lesbian race moved to that land without knowing of the burial. Provinces The towns of the Ram Ranch Empire consists of mostly castles which are overlooked by lords. Each lord is responsible for his castle and its surrounding lands along with all of the cowboys within them. There are four major lords of the empire; the Lord of the North, the Lord of the South, the Lord of the West, and the Lord of the East. The capital is located in the center of the empire and is designed in the shape of a massive phallic member with the tip pointing due north, serving as an instrument of navigation. As for the defence of the castles and the capital, the main method of defence are canons. These canons are naturally shaped like phallic membe rs and fire canon balls made out of hardened recycled semen. These canon balls are formed in the balls of the phallic member shaped canon where horny cowboys can deposit their seed for the good of the empire. It takes the semen of approximately 100 cowboys before there is enough to form a sturdy canon ball which will then take several days before it drys out and becomes rock-hard, just like the cowboys' erections who supplied the seed. Space Programme The cowboys have a rather rudimentary system for intergalatic space travel that surprisingly doesn't involve any rockets. Intead they rely on the Giant Trot Spider for transportaion. However, the Giant Trot Spider remains on Earth which raises the question as to how they are able to reach distant planets. Category:Nations